What We Hate, We Make.

now today was just one of those days. sort of. not exactly one of the days you'd expect to learn so much about yourself in one instant, and immediately think different on life altogether.

woke up today to watch the Michael Jackson Memorial on FOX, and that started off my day kind of pale. i headed off to work where apparently it would just be me working solo with 15 kids. not exactly crackin.

after work, two of my oldest friends wanted to hang out. grabbed some mexican food, went bowling, got some yogurt, went home.

it wasn't until i got home from this long day that my mom was chillen in the living room. now its not too often, but for some reason, moms can sense when there's something on your mind. whether you wanna talk to them about it or not, they know.

for those of you who don't know, my father and i have not been on good terms in a very long time. terms so bad that i could safely say that i hated the man. he's been mistreating me for close to 15 years. probably more if i could remember before then. our relationship is pretty much down in the dumps.

now, my mom pointed out something very important to me. something i never would've have thought of, even though i felt it. agree with me or not, when you hate someone, do you feel a pain that comes along with it? if you do, then you're right to feel that way. hate is what makes this world a bad place. racism, sexism, all of that, its all from HATE! what makes it so different from when you hate someone? no matter what, someone is hurt in the end.

so how did i come to realize this? whenever i used to think of my father, i saw a man who had no soul. no remorse for his actions. someone who did things only to better himself or people he wanted to see better. i wasn't one of those people he wished to help. ME! his only son. this made me see a terrible person in my father, which made me hate him. and whenever i thought of that, i would feel a slight pain, but i'd brush it up. but with that slight pain, it builds up each time, making a worse pain altogether.

so now my mom knows how i feel about my father, and she tells me this. "i know that you must feel like he turned his back on you, and that he doesn't love you. he probably doesn't, but remember this. no matter how awful he is, its just how he is. there's no changing it, he's just that way. he never shows his love for anyone, even to the woman he's married to. i never felt his love when i was with him, so i left him. you never felt the love from him, so you left him. you shouldn't feel hatred towards him anymore. you should feel sorry for him because his actions pushed him to be without his only son. he has no one to blame but himself. you are a good person because even when you have nothing, you still don't expect help from him. you're a fighter, and you have what it takes to make it without him. i can see it in you."

this talk with my mom let me know something. the things in this world that we hate, its because we made them. the thoughts that we let run through our minds tells us to hate these things because we don't accept them. why? because we don't understand them. we don't take the time to understand them, and this leads us to make up reasons for us to hate them.

my father is a cold hearted person, and i knew this for a long time. i just never chose to accept it. but after this talk with my mom, she changed my viewpoint on it.

i shouldn't hate him. i should feel sorry for him. his coldheartedness lead him to be alone without his only blood child. now he is stuck with a stepfamily draining him all of his money and success. he now works his fingers to the bone to support them.

i no longer seek his support in anything. money, career, motivation. all of that is not important to me from him any longer. he has his life to live, and i have mine. i don't need waste hope on someone who won't be there. i have much better things to do.. like LIVE!

so if there's anything i leave with this post, its this. HATE in this world is what ruins this world. there shouldn't be anything to cause you to hate. if you feel there is, look at it in as many aspects as you can so that you can accept them. their wrongs just make them who they are. don't try to change them, and don't hate them for it. accept them and move on. you don't have to maintain contact with them. who said you did? you can choose who you wish to be around, and if they're not one of them, don't choose them. just don't hate them. hate will cause anger which will lead to more destruction than good. life is so much more important. feel sorry for their flaws, and pray for them. pray that they will learn of their flaws so that they can live onto a better life. a life that you will be living if you begin to think this way. living life happily is what we all strive for, so why should hate be in the picture?

i hope i've helped some people realize something about themselves. the next time i have another epiphany about things like this, i'll be sure to post it up. for now, that's all.

peace
scary